Re-imagine Yourself

This post is a bit different from most of my posts.  It has the potential to turn into an insufferable E/N fest as it is much more serious and personal than what I ususally post, but given the title of the post I guess that’s appropriate for the cause.  Also, this is my blog so I pick what goes online.

Roughly 5 months ago, I had an episode, which forced me to re-evaluate some of the things I did in my everyday.  At the same time, I had the longest break I’ve ever had in my life due to a 2 months unemployment, so I had time to do a lot of reflection.  At the time, I had no choice but to make some changes to my life, and around the same time one of my best friends was also forced to make some changes to their life.  The timing of everything pushed me into re-imagining myself and my lifestyle.

I decided to exploit the timing and piggyback more changes onto the changes imposed.  It is a classical trick that if you tie a new habit to another, it is easier to stay with it.  Furthermore, if you do something for roughly 2 months, it becomes part of your life.  So to speak, it becomes a lifestyle change.  Such changes are easier when external factors change as well, such as my change of jobs, which only made it even more of a no-brainer to look at some of the things I’d wanted to change for a long time.  For a long time, I’d been spending too much time partying and drinking more than what was healthy.  I decided to take a 1 year break from alcohol.  For an equally long time, I’d exercised less than very little.  I decided to use some of my extra time making long bike rides.

The extra time I got from not having to work meant I spent more time cooking myself (I was at the time used to eating out 4-5 times a week), and the extra exercise meant I had different cravings, so I started cooking healthier and losing weight.  I’ve been overweight for something like a decade and a half, and the exercise combined with healthier eating caused me to lose weight and gain more energy.

Spending 2-3 hours a day biking also left me with a lot of time to reflect on life, the universe, and everything.  Slowly, I realized that a lot of my life was governed by habits and dogma.  Every Friday, I’d go to the pub have a pint from a glass that would never empty before the pub closed and I drunkenly walked home.  Saturday, I’d be hungover.  In the evening, I’d look for a party.  I never questioned why I did this, nor did I question the consequences.  Most importantly, I didn’t question if it made me happy.  Similarly, I’d always have the same course at the same restaurant, rarely going other places or trying other courses.  My life was pretty much set in stone and I did a lot of things completely automatically without considering why.  One of the worst things you can do with something you enjoy is to make it a habit, as that reduces the joy you gain from it considerably.  I ended up just doing as I’d always doing, with everything being habit and possibly getting less and less joy out of it.

I also refound some of the joys I had neglected for a while.  I’d forgotten how much I enjoy cooking; both experimenting with tastes and recipes, and making it look nice.  Part was not having time for it (or at least not making time for it), part was dogma and habit of eating out most of the time or working late and having something that was essentially fast food.  I also refound my joy for making programming projects.  Some of you have already heard of the project I’m working on right now, and the rest will see it when I launch the beta hopefully soon.  I started reading again.  15-20 years ago, I’d consume 5-10 books a week, but starting  high-school and especially university consumed all my reading time, to the point that 8-10 years ago all I’d read was non-fiction, and starting around 5 years I’d even only read scientific articles.  Spending hours on a bike a day, I started listening to audio books and other non-non-fiction entertainment media.

I started doing things I’d previously have rejected due to dogma; I went to festivals I’d previously have scoffed at as hippie-fests.  I went to music I wouldn’t have listened to before.  I found myself spending more and more time in the vegetable-part of the super-market.

I started exploring food I’d have never considered, and now I very rarely go a day without eating a lot of chickpeas, a food I don’t think I’d ever eaten until 2 months ago.  I write blog-posts about the joys of baking with sour dough (more than once, even).  One day, I found myself in the health/biological food part of the supermarket looking at the offerings for more than a few seconds, and just under two weeks ago, I realized I hadn’t really had any meat for something like 10 days.  More interestingly, I realized I didn’t even really crave it.  Naturally, I immediately declared I’d be a vegetarian, and while that was mostly a joke, I don’t really eat a lot of meat anymore, and often find myself picking the vegetarian choice from the menu when eating out.

Around this time, I realized how much of my life had been governed by dogma, both making me do things out of habit and making me no try things because it went against some arbitrary rule.  While I have mentioned dogma in this post already, it is only around this time I consciously become aware this is what has been holding me back.  From this discovery, I decided that everything was up for debate.  If I could go from eating steaks in excess of 1 kg to having dinner at a restaurant branding itself as “70% biological, 100% vegetarian, 200% from the heart” in half a year (though still being annoyed by the abuse of percentages), surely, I could also change other things.  I made the resolve to not refrain from trying something new and instead giving new things a fair chance and see what sticks.  For now I’m 100% alcohol free and 90% meat free – we’ll see where I am in a year.

This seems like a 360º turn, and if you’re mathematically inclinded you’d notice I should have written 180º instead.  I tend to be very polarizing, and really this is not the first time I’ve backed down on a previous belief.  Believe it or not, but at age 14 I was very strongly arguing against alcohol.  At age 18 I didn’t even have the courage to admit I liked Britney and made fun of people admitting to doing so (while listening to her albums in secrecy).  At 20 I refused to wear shorts even on the warmest summer day.  At 25 I was making fun of my then-girlfriend for drinking tea instead of coffee.  Less than 2 months ago I’ve made fun of vegetarians.  There’s most likely many more examples, but those are the ones that come to mind and illustrate that at least for me, it is not unheard of to – at least seemingly – completely change my mind about things.

Amusingly, I can only recall being called out on these complete changes of mind twice in my life.  Last time about a year ago by my sister, who noticed that I went from teasing her for liking Backstreet Boys to myself going to their concerts and having multiple meet and greets with them.

Challenging your dogma comes highly recommended.  You may discover you are doing things that doesn’t really make you happy out of habit.  You may discover you refrain from doing things that make you happy out of habit or stupid self-imposed restrictions.  I’ve subconsciously made such changes previously, but recently I’ve been very aware of it and actively try and challenge myself.  It means I’ve made lifestyle changes that caused me go from being one of the above steaks away from being clinically morbidly obese to being of normal weight – I’ve shrunk from a skin-tight XL to a comfortable M going on S in t-shirt size.  I’m even in the best shape I’ve ever been.  I have more energy.  I am happier.

We have a tendency of putting people in boxes, which is vary much the scientific method.  The box I’ve typically been put in has typically been the scrap heap labelled “weirdo,” but even then people including myself had expectation of what and who I were.  While everything is up for being contested, I am still the same person I always were.  I must admit that I had my concerns here and there – who doesn’t remember Fun Bobby from Friends, who turned out to be really boring Bobby after stopping drinking? – but luckily it turns out we are not the box we get put in.  Even if some are still surprised when I opt for the Cola Zero instead of a pint and a salad instead of a steak, I’m happier than ever, because I won’t have a hangover the day after and I no longer have chest pains from my heart protesting my lifestyle.

More importantly, I’m a lot more observant of whether things I do make me happy or not.  I refrain from doing things out of habit.  I’ve found a lot of new and old joys.  I drink  a lot of different teas.  I enjoy how my study looks after I’ve cleaned it and put everything in its place.  I thoroughly enjoy my shower after coming home from work and stepping onto the scale to see how much weight I’ve lost.  I enjoy biking thru the forrest at 7 in the morning and seeing nature waking up, drenched in sweat from biking at just under 30 km/h.  While I’ll never actually enjoy clothes shopping, I felt successful the first time I fit in a size M and a size S t-shirt, when I moved from size 36, to 34 and 32 pants.  And I still enjoy going to the pub or a concert, and will still be at the front jumping like an idiot in my kilt, even though I’ll probably head home to bed a bit earlier than before.  It’s become old news now, but I also enjoy waking up at 9 or 10 on a Saturday with no hang-overs and accomplishing a lot of meaningful chores before 2 in the afternoon.  I take immense pleasure in sitting with a piece of chocolate cake and a cup of fresh mint tea in the evening after a healthy dinner.  Some of things I enjoyed earlier, some are completely new.  I refrained from doing any of these things until recently because of stupid dogma and dumb prejudges.

I believe that also answers another question I’ve been asked increasingly recently, how did I go about losing 20 kg in half a year?  The answer is that only with a complete lifestyle change is that possible.  I get roughly 8000 kcal less a week from beer.  I burn roughly the same extra each week from biking 40 km to and from work, which also means I’ve built up a lot of muscle mass.  I eat a lot halthier.  A lifestyle change is a big deal, but it might just leave you happier afterwards.  At the very least try re-imagining yourself; you might find your current lifestyle doesn’t really provide all you wish after all, and while it is always easier to maintain status quo and change things you dislike “tomorrow,” at least for me making the jump – even if prompted by other things – has been great for me.

Happily, I’ve been so lucky to have great friends be there for me through it all, making it much easier.  The ones who are there for you and support you during and after you re-imagine yourself are keepers!

Michael

Time person of the year 2006, Nobel Peace Prize winner 2012.

westergaard.eu/