I just found a way to reduce the speed of light! It’s quite simple, really.

Every time I rake my lawn, I end up with a pile of moss the same size. Unless you’re s socialist, there’s no way to create something from nothing thanks to the law of conservation of energy. Of course, we can produce mass from energy using the mass-energy equivalence, E = mc².

Anybody will know I’m not prepared to expend large amounts of energy, so E is best and most precisely quantified as “very small.” As m grows without boundaries, since each time I rake I produce more moss, consequently c² – the square of the speed of light – must be what is technically referred to “very very small.” However, the speed of light is generally considers “fairly swift” (or faster), so c must be “large” and hence c² “larger.” As “very very small” < “larger,” it follows trivially that we have reduced the speed of light.

I will just do a quick write-up for the crackpot section of arXiv (which is all of it) and await my second Nobel Prize.

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