Last weekend I made brownies. I was almost out of butter, so I substituted chocolate. I also substituted chocolate for celery. The recipe didn’t call for celery, but I added 200 grams anyway. This made the resulting brownies very chocolaty, but also very hard to cut when cold. In unrelated news, I cut my left pinky yesterday.

Now, if my finger gets infected, say from a dirty Golgafrinchan telephone, and I die a horrible (but amusing and ironic) death, my tombstone can say “Here lies Michael. He lived for chocolate; he died for chocolate. And Britney.”