I wrote an epic poem that I like to call “The saddest cracker:”

There were 4 kinds of crackers
two in pink wrapping
one in red, and one in yellow.
The one pink was dry and sort-of brownish,
the yellow was dry and sort-of less brown,
the other pink some sort of dry waffle-thing,
the red was pretty much like the yellow one
except with hints of sugar and cinnamon
but not enough to make it tasty.

While superficially different,
the 4 kinds of crackers were all sad.
One day the crackers set out to find who was the saddest.

But at the end of the day,
the crackers were all the saddest.
Like some fucked-up sad-cracker version
of Dumas’ Les Trois Mousquetaires
they found friendship thru their endeavors
and realized that even sad crackers have their place in the world.

Except they didn’t, and then they all committed suicide and woke up to see it was all a dream and they were still all sadder than a pizzaed-up kitten on a highway the end.