These towels were not just beat with the ugly-stick when they were little handkerchiefs. They were taken out back, beat till few a string was left, then dragged thru the ugly-swamp and subsequently put in ugly-prison for an ugly amount of years. When they dug an ugly tunnel out of prison, they were dragged behind an 1970s era Lada (which is an ugly car) and ugly-missiles were shot at them at close range by both USSR and Hitler, who made an ugly zombie appearance just to make these towels less attractive.

…what I am saying is, I’ve seen nicer towels in my life.