So, I think we can all agree I’ve been quite nice to nature lately. I’ve not had any major fires for almost half a decade. I haven’t participated in any abominations to God like listening to an Xtina album, and I even got and use a voordeelkaart to EkoPlaza.

Then, just I’m bracing myself for the pain of sitting down, nature shows its vindictive face. In the shape of its first cousin evolution, nature pops out of nowhere (or, I guess, outside) and with a malevolent smile utters: “Remember that broken rib you’ve been cherishing lately? Notice how despite biking in fricking 0°C it barely hurts after a warm shower? Here, have a sneezing fit to really enjoy that rib while already straining your pain threshold by trying to sit down.”

I start thinking of cost-effective ways to get back at nature. We all know the classic “turpentine down the toilet” method to balance out buying LED light bulbs instead of halogen spots. We know of burning tires in the hope global warming will rid us of this pesky winter. I was contemplating that shops may have something even more efficient for a low-low price, such as plutonium pellets festively marketed as “baby candy” in the local Toys R Us or napalm cleverly labeled at kitty litter.

Then I realized I have pink glitter dessert sauce and brownies, which means nature gets another day to live…