Nobody seems to watch Le Tour de France anymore. And with good reason! To make the sport more appealing, let’s make two simple changes:

1) Take a cue from The Running Man and make doping mandatory. Nobody wants to look at weaklings, and making the sport a mental challenge of devising the best drugs will benefit everybody.
2) Combine with Biathlon, except instead of having the participants shoot at targets, allow spectators shooting at the cyclists. Award 1 point for regular participants, 2 for participants with names that get into mainstream media, 10 for the yellow jersey, and 100 for a team doctor. Whoever gets to 250 points first wins.

Next up, let’s make sure this is only broadcast on media I don’t care about like TV or medias based on tree-genocide.