Serious question: if you were to hire a drunk monkey to make important life-altering decisions for you, which qualities would you look for? Aside from the obvious like name, nationality, age, favorite booze, how early in the day they start drinking, the type of monkey, and hat size.

I need at least 128 bits of information (better if I can get 256), and I figure I have around 7 + 7 + 6 + 6 + 3 + 3 + 3 = 35 bits.

It’s for science!