It seems that the universe is broken in a manner that makes it seem like my Model M is broken, so I am thinking of getting a new keyboard.

Das Keyboard is not an option as it is a crummy scammy company who will literally take your money, do a bait and switch and extorting you after the sale is done, and still not deliver. Stay away from Das! They are literally Hitler of the keyboard world!

Anybody knows where to get Unicomps in Europe? They are ridiculously expensive to ship here… I want a proper one (Classic w/ proper horizontal enter) and neither the German nor UK official reseller seem to have those.