How do you get two bagpipers to play in tune? Shoot one.

How do you tell the difference between a set of bagpipes and a dead raccoon in the middle of the road? People swerve to miss the raccoon.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They’re trying to escape the sound.

A bagpiper friend of mine had to leave his pipes in the back of his car one day while he ran some errands. To his horror he realized that he had left his car unlocked. He rushed back to his car in a panic only to find that his worst fear had happened; somebody opened up his car and tossed another set of pipes in.

What’s the definition of a Scottish gentleman? Someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn’t.

Perfect pitch is when you throw a bagpiper off a cliff and he lands on an accordionist.