So, yeah, a provider of something wants to check something. They sent out a dead-wood e-mail about checking out something a month ago. The mail stated we’d need to be home between shit-o-clock in the morning and and fuck-off-a-late in the evening for three months. Or receive a note for reschedule.
Today we received said note. It wanted to reschedule for tomorrow at quiz-o-clock, and their hot-line is conveniently off-line between now and then. At least now when I’m drunk and ready to yell at them.
Therefore, I wrote a very civilised e-mail-o-letter:
Dear Endinet,
(BCC to Gaby, they won’t know your address; just want to keep you up-to-date)
Oh yeah, also BCC to Dirk. Same.
Also, I’m posting to my homepage, because you’ve basically provided worse service than a prostitute skipping out after a tooth-filled blowjob. With no happy ending.
Your customer service is like Radovan Karadzic’s service to humanity. Combine that with Pamela Anderson’s instinct for blowing. And sucking. At the same time. What I’m going for is you are not in the top 99% of the companies in my book.
I am a customer of yours. You recently, one month ago, sent a notice that you wanted to inspect our installation. I applaud that.
Yesterday, we received a notice that you wanted to visit us tomorrow (today), the 8., in some time interval. Unfortunately, you provided a phone number that doesn’t respond when I, five minutes ago, tried rescheduling, and your window was less than 24 hours. I can applaud that at the same level as I applaud the war in Vietnam. That’s not a lot. I do not applaud that.
What is wrong with you!?!
That is not going to happen. We are out. Even if we weren’t (and we are), I would reschedule to ensure we were.
Feel free to schedule a new meeting between 12.12.00 and 12.12.12 (I like the number 12; it’s the month of birth of my favourite artist). If you don’t call me within that time, I’m afraid, I cannot help you. Also, you have to call me on the 12th of 12. In the year 1212. And I probably won’t answer. Also, I keep my phone on silent during lunch breaks between 11 and 13. Good luck!
And In fear our installation is melting down due to the situation in the middle east, so you better get on it and check it out.
To initiate contact, you may send a sacrifice of a prime factorisation of 1711, or 19 cases of Bavaria beer. Prefarably the latter. Wrapped in boobs. Also, a long-winded and incomprehensible apology (in German, I’m sure Gaby would like that) for your offensive behaviour is required.
I reserve the right to post any response from you on my homepage. I’ll post it, but may interleave it with (clearly marked) ridicules. I’d be happy to mark my interleavings in pink if it can in any way make you happy or annoy you.Also, I’d like to reschedule your appointment. I’ll leave an appropriate contact point as a scavenger hunt for you, because why make it any easier on you than you try making it on us?—
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/ \ Michael Westergaard <michael@westergaard.eu>
/ /|/| \ \ https://westergaard.eu/
( ( ` | ) )
\ \ |/\/ / Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero?
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